By Tim Maier —

In the satirical movie, “Office Space,” Peter Gibbons tells his girlfriend Joanna he’s not going to work anymore.

An astonished Joanna responds, “So you're gonna quit?”

“Nuh-uh,” he reassures her.  “Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.”
Peter did what corporations wish some employees would do. Fire themselves. It’s less messy and doesn’t involve lawyers.

I once used the “Peter” line, telling my Rockville newsletter employer I didn’t plan on coming to work. My boss, replied, “We think that is a good idea.”

Her comment makes sense now. She did everything she could to make me quit, even tossing away a doctor’s note that excused me from work after I suffered a concussion when I flipped my car.  She then asked, “What do you have for me today?” She then pointed to another employee who was in a car crash and beamed, “They are working.”

Today, companies are not even letting employees fire themselves.
Bankrupt Chrysler recently delivered the bad news to 40 dealers in the Baltimore-Washington corridor via certified letter.

They were told the doors would shut because they are under performers, said Robert Philips of Don Phillips Jeep in Frederick. One slight problem, Philips says in a letter to his customers, his dealership has been “performing above their “sales quota” for the past several years, including…selling at a rate of 200 percent above that quota.”  He put together a customer writing campaign asking Sens. Milkulski and Cardin to investigate the downsizing.

While employees get little notice, customers sometimes are also left in the dark. In Columbia, a strip of stores recently bit the dust on McGaw Road. Orinoco Coffee House, Atlanta Bread Co, and California Tortilla are all now closed, leaving popular Columbia blogger at howchow.blogspot.com stunned. “I called the number posted on the California Tortilla door, and they said that it isn't clear if they will reopen.”

Employers might not see the downside of downsizing. But consider this: An ex-employee is an unpaid angry public relations specialist, a lost customer, or a recruitment killer. And in some strange cases that ex-employee could be your next boss.

Julie Lenzer Kirk, president of Damascus-based Path Forward International, says employees shouldn’t just sit and wait for the hammer to drop. Employees need to be proactive. Instead of wondering if their job will be cut, an employee should ask, “What can I do to make my bosses’ job easier?” The person who saves the company millions of dollars is not likely to be the first to be on the chopping block, she said.

Respect and empathy are the keys.  "Even though they probably understand the need for tough decisions, the terminated employees may be experiencing fear, anger, confusion or other powerful emotions," said Towson consultant Tim Carrington, CEO of Vantige Inc.

"A little emotional intelligence can do a lot of good...Businesses work hard to develop a brand, something that they are known for in the marketplace. Whether the business is a product or service business, the employees reinforce the brand – for the good or bad.  Because they are (or were) on the inside, they are very credible spokespeople," Carrington said.

Employees who fail to be proactive leave little choice but for managers to be proactive. But there’s a much easier way to do that dirty deed. Let’s start with the dreaded employee annual review. Rethink it.
Call it the 20/30 review.

Ask the employee every month to provide 20 accomplishments or goals achieved. Tie one of the goals in the 20/30 to corporate profits. State that if they don’t reach these objectives they might as well start looking elsewhere. Provide the employee 10 goals that they must reach. The employee lists his accomplishments in the 20/30. By the end of the year you have a dozen 20/30s for the annual review. The employee already wrote what they achieved. Done deal.

And if they didn’t achieve their accomplishments, tell them to pull a Peter.

You’re out of here!

1. Check past performance reviews. If you fire someone whom you gave glowing reviews, they will be shocked. Document the unaccepted performance.
2. Give them a 30-day waiver warning to improve their performance with specific goals to reach.
3. Never fire on a Friday because it gives them the weekend to build up anger. A firing should last no more than five minutes. Forget the emotions just tell they failed to reach the expected goals.
4. Tell them to turn in keys, corporate credit card and the rest of their items will be mailed to them.
5. Explain the severance package will be provided after the employee signs a release to avoid liability issues.

Source: Cliff Ennico, a syndicated columnist and author of Small Business Survival.

July/August print edition. Posted July 6, 2009.